Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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