I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I could fuck to npr.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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