I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Someone signed my nipple.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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