You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
