Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
