Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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