I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize