As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
