I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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