There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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