Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
