Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
