I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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