somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
