wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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