Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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