so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
