Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
