Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
