I wannas sexs uuuuu
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
