i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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