I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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