Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
