What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
