I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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