even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
