I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
