my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone came in the potted fern
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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