Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
