shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
