I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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