Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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