There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Randomize
