Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
