Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
