He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
