My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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