I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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