This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
