Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
