If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
