We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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