Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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