I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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