I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize