remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How naked do you want me to be?
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