Got a toothbrush?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is Oprah even human
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
