his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
