I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
