five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
