So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
