Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
