White coat. Heels.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
