C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
