if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Randomize
