What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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