...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
