she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
