I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize