That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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