Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
