where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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