eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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