I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
