weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize