That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
