Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I color on your dick again?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize