he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
