If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
