Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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