fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
