I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
