i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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