i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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