He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
