Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
