There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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